


You Find Yourself At My Door

by lady_smellen



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fitzsimmons Secret Valentine, Panic Attacks, Tumblr Prompt, Undercover and married AU, there will be smut, working on the fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-14
Packaged: 2018-03-12 21:21:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3355670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lady_smellen/pseuds/lady_smellen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after the events of the season 1 finale, an AU in which Fitz has to join Simmons at Hydra as her 'husband' and they have to work to steal back the intel Hydra has on The City while working through their issues post medpod.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Find Yourself At My Door

**Author's Note:**

> This is an AU in which Jemma did leave to go undercover at Hydra without the teams knowledge but something goes wrong in their pursuit for the map of the city which forces Director Coulson to come clean about where Jemma really is so that Fitz can join her undercover and fix the problem. In this AU Jemmaginary does not exist (you know what I mean), Fitz's stutter is vitually undetectable until he's nervous and Bobbi and Jemma are friends while undercover.
> 
> This is a Fitzsimmons Secret Valentines exchange gift for tumblr user kasifer1226 and for the prompt ''we’re assigned to this mission in which we have to pretend to be a married couple, but i’m actually really in love with you''. I had a tonne of fun with this one and I hope you like it, thank you for being such a sweet valentine.  
> I would also like to give special thanks to @fsfanfic for being the most patient beta ever, I would have been lost without you!

‘Now this is near empty but I’ve rigged it to let out a burst at very high pressure’, Fitz explained, slightly panting as he presented Simmons with the miniature oxygen tank he had modified using the mouth piece from a nebuliser. While he was doing that she was busying herself by lining the window seal with whatever medical ethanol she could find in their limited cargo.

Jemma nodded affirmatively, absorbing every bit of information she was being given. If they were going to do this, they were going to do it together and now was not the time to be arguing about methods. Not that it mattered anyway as Fitz continued, allowing no time for intervention, ‘should force a breath into your lungs but you have to hold on to it okay? Hold on tight’. He looked some-what distant but not in his usual _‘last minute calculation trance’_. It was different, like he was trying to reassure himself of success, _but when was he ever wrong?_

Then Jemma stilled, her breath hit a wall of resistance causing a slight croak when she opened her mouth, _had she just heard him correctly?_ But she was once again silenced. ‘Should be enough to get you up to about ninety feet or so…’

There it was again, _you_. That was the wrong pronoun entirely and Jemma’s thoughts scrambled to catch up with her speech.

She barely managed, ‘one breath?’ _Was that an absurd question?_ She thought so but Fitz seemed to be rallying on, not at all as caught up on his choice of words as she was. ‘But there’s two of us?’ she struggled to get out before she was dumbfounded.

He un-furrowed his brows and raised them somehow teasingly, like she was questioning his genius, _was this the time really?_ His face softened as if contemplating her question. However, it didn’t take him much thought and Jemma felt the lump in her throat grow heavy as his features settled into resignation. _What was she missing?_

‘Hey I’ve done the math….’ _Oh with the bloody math again? Reflex._

But she conceded, it didn’t take Jemma long to see where Fitz was going with his argument and that wasn’t the point she needed to be making any more. ‘That’s why you’re taking it you’re the better swimmer anyway!’

‘NO!’ She hadn’t even thought about it before the word came tumbling from her mouth which was agape with shock, but she didn’t need to. She wasn’t going to .... 

‘Jemma’, Fitz pleaded except his tone was laced with an authority she hadn’t heard from him before. _What was happening?_

 She spat out, ‘no, I’m not leaving you here that’s ridiculous. We need a new plan.’ She had no clue as to what that plan would be but it sure as hell wouldn’t involve her leaving Fitz on the ocean floor.  

‘No, we’re not discussing it okay?’ His Scottish brogue had become thick with emotion and her mouth quivered open to protest, but it was futile, not just because she was struggling to string together a coherent sentence but because he had realised his mistake. Shaking his head free of any hesitance Fitz declared, ‘You’re taking it end of story.’ He pushed the contraption into her grasp but she was numb, Jemma wouldn’t have been able to take it even if she wanted to. But she didn’t, the only thing she wanted to grab onto for dear life was her _partner_.

‘I couldn’t live if you didn’t’. _Well that was rich,_ he couldn’t possibly think that she would be able to, _did he?_

‘Well’, Jemma stuttered out, not that she had her thoughts in any way organised but at least it gave her control of the conversation. ‘I feel the same way’ she bit out, ‘there has to be another way’.

Again, she didn’t need to think about it, as a matter of fact she had never thought about it, but she couldn’t lie, least of all to Fitz. That’s when Jemma realised she had never been more certain of anything, the words had come rushing out of her like bullets from a gun and she couldn’t take them back. It dawned on her, she didn’t want to take them back anyway. Maybe if she hadn’t left so much unsaid between them they wouldn’t have been down there. If they just talked it through maybe Fitz could have some sense knocked into him instead of the air knocked out of him.

‘You’re taking it’ He said, more gently but he made up for in strength what he lacked in verbal vigour. Fitz forced the tank into her grip and when she didn’t immediately grasp onto it he wrapped his unslung hand, clammy from his efforts, around hers and squeezed.

Jemma’s face fell, _did he not hear what she was saying? She wasn’t going anywhere without him, she wouldn’t be able to cope._ ‘Why?’ she demanded, ‘Why would you do this to me you’re my best friend in the world’, the internal frenzy she was battling caused her voice to squeak. Jemma tried her damnedest to return his searing gaze but only succeeded in staring through him. She had a sickening feeling that she wasn’t going to win this argument. However her gaze was brought abruptly back into focus at his defeated tone.

‘Yeah and you’re mo-‘ he cut himself off and shut his eyes, Fitz dropped his head depriving Jemma of the only blue treasures she wanted to see in that moment. _What? What was she?_

His eyes must have flitted open to gaze at their still joined hands because his forehead creased drawing her attention to the sweat on his hairline shimmering in the beguiling glow of the med pod. Fitz let out a shaky breath that she supposed was to steel his nerves. A sudden panic consumed Jemma and she felt the instinct that she needed to reverse the grip he had on her hands and the valuable device they held, the longer he stood without word, the more ominous the depleting oxygen levels seemed, she was growing frantic.  

 Then he glanced up, hastily studying Jemma’s features for signs of objection before his eyes turned glassy. She tried to remove her hands from his defiant clutch but to no end, she was crippled with fear and he was determined. For what though she wasn’t certain, until he traced his scrutiny across to her eyes and bore the weight of his into her blurry vision. A sinister shiver sprinted up her spine and she couldn’t object, _plea_ fast enough.  

Fitz gave her one last watery smile and she screamed her protests at the top of her lungs, _this was really happening, it couldn’t happen, not like this!_   With her cries reverberating off the walls in their small, all too temporary confines he turned his body, reaching his unbroken arm out to flip the switch on the defibrillator. The water burst in through the window.

And it _was_ like a hundred punches to the stomach.

Displacing the air in the medpod the water cut through them and thrust Fitz away from Jemma, he slammed into the opposite wall and fell to the floor with the force of it. All it took was seconds for the pod to fill up to her neck and she frantically inspected the surface to find Fitz, hoping he had risen again but he _hadn’t_. Jemma rushed to press the mouth piece to her face and just as the water reached the roof she sucked in the precious breath he had ‘gifted’ her with.

Pushing herself off the solid ceiling and plunging further into the depths of the water, all she could see was a flurry of bubbles, she felt them dance across her skin and cursed them for stunting her vision. She helplessly reached out, grabbing at what she discerned to be the collar of his shirt and pulled fo _r_ _his_ dear life. She dragged herself out the window frame and reached her forearm up to lean on the edge of the pod using what strength she had to pull Fitz’s dead weight out the gap. From there she kicked and sliced her way through the cold, consuming expanse.

Jemma moved her way to the surface, the sensation of the current flowing over her body giving the impression she was slicing through the water, but knowing that the weight of her merciless partner was weighing her down. And she didn’t give a damn. Because there was more. Fitz wanted to tell her something and she would die before she took that chance from him because there was something he wasn’t telling her.

She kicked and fought her way to the surface, the promise of safety. And just before she emerged Jemma manoeuvred Fitz so that she was clinging him close to her chest and he broke the surface first.

 

* * *

 

 

Her eyes sprung open and she gasped for the breath stuck in her air way. Grasp twisted in the sheet Jemma gripped a pillow tighter into her side and choked out a few hollow cries before realising where she was. She haphazardly flung the pillow to the floor and bolted upright as a blazing heat surged from her extremities to her core. Untwisting her grip in the sheet Jemma dragged her legs up the mattress kicking the duvet that clung to the sheen of sweat on her legs as far away as possible. Kicking her way up the bed she shoved herself into a heap in the corner, securing her trembling frame between the walls at either side. Jemma scraped her hands through her hair and dug at the damp scalp radiating heat against her frigid palms.

She dropped her forehead to rest on her knees and gripping her ankles Jemma began sucking in deep breaths and hissing them out to steady her heart rate. Every so often her concentration faltered as she resisted the memories of the most traumatic day of her life.

 _Choppy waves battling to submerge her again_ , Jemma gagged trying to counter the restriction in her trachea.

There was a reprieve before shivers coursed through her being and _bursts of air hit her face and the propellers neared_. Shifting on the mattress Jemma stretched her shaky legs out in front of her, still clawing at the back of her calves.

The movement granted momentary remission before her arms were exhausted by a piercing pain coursing through her nerves _as the sturdy hand of their not so dead director reached out for them._ She shook her hands, desperate to dull the pain.

Clambering to her feet Jemma felt the cool air brush over her and she slumped back against the foot of the bed, finding comfort in the roots the floor gave her. The cold brought back the image of _Fitz’s sopping unconscious body lying in a pool of the water running off him._ Her heart split and an onset of pins and needles came over Jemma as she pictured _the myriad of electrodes being attached to his motionless form._

Sinking into her shoulders Jemma gripped her hands around her ears and clenched her eyes shut trying ineffectually to defend herself from the shrill of the _amplified squeak coming towards them as a couple of medics wheeled out a pair of hyperbaric chambers._ She could hear nothing coming from the frantic crowd whirring around them until _she witnessed Fitz being tentatively placed inside his chamber._

The screech faded into the steady beeping of vital monitors cut with her small sobs and she was engulfed by the all-consuming relief of blackness.  

After drifting in and out of a doomed to be restless sleep Jemma became aware of a blue glow being cast around the room and her eyes flicked open. She climbed to her feet to see her disposable cell was blinking with a new message. Clutching it in her sweaty hands she read:

_Einsteinium Sulphur Oxide, CO: t: 2D_

Jemma threw her head back in exasperation, she was used to receiving cryptic texts but they normally included a bit of intel and more than just a location to pick up the next phone. Glancing over at the clock she saw it was 3:30am.

 

* * *

 

 

 _All_ he had to do was clear his head. _‘Muscle memory, don’t think about the action; let the action help you think’._ If only it were that simple, this was the most work Fitz had done with his hands since….since he rigged the nebuliser in the medpod. _Okay, now that was too much thinking,_ cajoling himself back to his work Fitz continued to rigorously fit the pieces of the transceiver together at his work bench, good hand behind his back. Coulson had him practicing to patch a transceiver into a system that wasn’t even meant to handle one, for a mission he hadn’t _even_ been briefed on yet?

Fitz was growing increasingly frustrated with himself and if he was being honest, the same could be said for the other members of his team. Trip and Skye had been to check on him earlier in the day and even though he knew they were only trying to help, being reminded that this was something he used to be able to do not only with his eyes closed, but recall while unconscious was not making him feel better. All it did was remind him of how useless he had become. Four hours in Fitz was nursing the bruise he had sustained on the side of his hand with Arnica. He smashed his fist down on the timer after a less than stellar attempt, clocking in at over eleven minutes. His breathing became laboured while fighting his rage and the pressure he held on his hand grew more as he massaged the cream in with vigour.

In fact, they probably didn’t need him at all, just keeping him busy, building his confidence, they probably expected him to fail. Coulson just seemed a bit too happy with himself earlier when he said _‘under six minutes; you can do it!’_ Or was Fitz just being paranoid? He could, after all just chalk it down to the fact that Coulson had gotten his tie back and the pesky stain was finally out.

That’s what he truly wanted to believe but he felt so unused lately that he found it hard to think they could come up with a task simple enough for him. And who does SHIELD need to use manually installed hardware to hack anyway? They have their own systems and they have _Skye_. They also hadn’t told Fitz anything about the mission and the new Director even said they were keeping him in the dark for a reason. There was no way this was for real. But either way he needed the practice; no use letting all of his Lego therapy go to waste and why not at least humour the rest of the team? So he went back to work assembling and disassembling the device over and over.

 

* * *

 

 

_2 Days Later:_

Fitz was tentatively packing away the transceiver parts into their case so he could go to the weekly assignment briefing; which had now apparently become high clearance only, even though Coulson had abolished Fury’s clearance levels. Fitz was puzzled as to who this circle of trust would include. That was until he walked into the playground’s kitchen that sort of doubled as a briefing room, apparently Coulson was a bit protective of the collectibles he kept in his office. Fitz glanced around to see what was left of the original BUS team, Hunter and …. ‘Where’s Mack?’ He asked confused, surely he’d be a part of this.

With a somewhat stony expression Coulson answered ‘he’s pursuing another source, he’ll be back shortly but I briefed him about this assignment beforehand’.

Fitz nodded his acceptance, he would have questioned further on who the source was, but that was more information than he’d gotten out of the Director in a long time and he wasn’t going to push it. He also got the distinct impression that was about to change taking in the other faces in the room and seeing their resolve, he wondered what he had to brace himself for.

‘Fitz have a seat’, May encouraged.  _Courtesy? From May? Shit this was serious._ He wasted no time in filling the seat between Skye and Trip.

‘So, how’s it coming with the transceiver patch?’ Coulson asked cautiously, the last time he asked was just after he noticed the bruise on Fitz’s hand and steered clear afterward. Probably preferring to let the muscle handle his anger. Mack had been pulling him away with the lure of video games and take out whenever he sensed Fitz was getting stressed.

‘Got it down to seven minutes twenty seconds’, he deadpanned.

‘That’s not good enough’. All eyes in the room turned to sear into Fitz from where they sat uneasily.

‘No that’s with my bad hand’, he said raising it from its place in his lap. ‘With both I can do it, _definitely_.’ He said affirmatively and Trip let out a huff of laughter beside him, grinning to himself and breaking the tension around the table. He knew it was a bit snarky but the achievement had awarded him a shred of confidence and even relaxed his stutter for a bit.

Taken-a-back Coulson continued, ‘Well then, I think it’s about time we catch you up on why we’ve had you fiddling with transceiver parts all week’, Fitz raised his eyebrows, both out of slight sarcasm but also shock that they weren’t just trying to distract him with odd jobs.

‘As you know, we’ve been trying to locate the _City_ indicated on the Obelisk’s map, and were finally making some decent head way when someone else shut down the intelligence hub we were targeting in the Australian outback.’ So far Fitz had more questions than answers but he was willing to sit through this if it meant he’d find out who SHIELD was getting their information from and how it involved him relearning to assemble computer hardware.

‘We need you to go into the field and patch that transceiver into the system that beat us to the intel.’ Coulson paused for a moment before taking the opportunity to remind Fitz, ‘in under six minutes’.

 _Okay now he was getting something useful._ ‘Why can’t Skye just hack them from here?’ Fitz asked, glad he was being included for a change but puzzled as to why. He gestured to the girl sitting next to him for support but she just stilled. It seemed she was growing nervous and was making more than her usual effort to keep her mouth shut. _Why?_

‘Well, you see our source informs us that it was in fact Hydra who hijacked the network before we could. And we can’t exactly hack Hydra externally.’ Coulson informed him solemnly. It was then Fitz realised what was being implied; he was going to be infiltrating Hydra and nobody else seemed to be as shocked as he was. They had also fallen so silent you could almost hear a pin drop, _were they waiting for him to take it in?_

‘So I’m going in under cover?’ All the Director did was nod. However the atmosphere in the room was unchanged, even after his realisation.

‘Fitz, in anticipation of something like this happening we built you into another cover.’ _What the hell did that mean?_

‘Our source is a SHIELD agent and we left a gap in her profile for a husband of your expertise’, he paused, awkwardly waiting for Fitz to hear what he was saying.

‘H-husband?’ _And the stutter’s back. That was a bit of a stretch compared to some of the other covers he’d heard._

‘We could have sent you in alone but Hydra still has clearance levels and it complicates things for us that the intel is being kept on one of their more secure floors. Fortunately your wife to be has been establishing this cover for a few months and is at the top of the charter and heavily relied on by the heads of Hydra. Our advantage is that Hydra has no idea which part of the intel they have acquired is useful, but we do. Our source assures me that after you arrive she can help you move up the hierarchy and get you access to the rooms necessary.’ His questions were slowly being answered as they progressed so Fitz stayed quiet while May took over from the Director.

‘There are actually _two_ sources’, May said looking pointedly at Coulson as though he’d been caught out on a lie.

She continued, ‘one is head of security, she won’t be vital in obtaining your clearance but she will be essential for maintaining it and deflecting any suspicion. The other is in the science division she’s who you will be working with to ensure you become indispensable and we are hoping that you could work to get as much information as possible on Hydra’s high level projects’.

‘A-alright but which one is my p-partner on this assignment, and you know what kind of _partner_ I-I mean’, Fitz said, trying to distract from his nervousness with a bit of humour.

He could hear the room collectively inhale and the tension solidify, even Hunter seemed to appreciate the gravity of the situation, whatever it was. Skye hesitantly placed her hand over his and squeezed gently when he didn’t pull away. ‘Fitz, it’s Simmons, Simmons is the source’.

 

* * *

 

 

Without a word Fitz stormed out to the hangar and went straight for his old bunk, nobody was on the BUS. He slumped back onto the bed and bore his stare into the ceiling, numb with disbelief. Of course he knew she lied, he called her house and had been told she wasn’t there. In fact he was told it was the first time either of them had been heard from since the fall of SHIELD. Jemma’s parents explained they knew of his physical injuries through his mother but very little else and at the time he didn’t have the vocabulary to explain, or question. _She wasn’t there?_

And now he knew that it was because she was on an assignment! So many questions raced through Fitz’s mind in that moment. _Did she want to leave? Did she ask to leave? Did she know where she was going? Ward, did she know about him, that he was on base?_ He pinched the bridge of his nose and smoothed the pressure along his eyebrows, stretching out the tension creases in his forehead. Fitz swung his legs over the edge of the bed for no other reason than just needing to move and dropped his head into his hands. _Did she not want to be his partner anymore? Was he disposable? How did she find it in her to lie? Just, why?_

There was a feeble knock on the door followed by an almost whispered, ‘Fitz, can I come in?’ It was Skye.

He grumbled something that he hoped was permission. It’s not that he didn’t want her there but he didn’t exactly want to talk either. She eased the sliding door open and leant against the frame but from his position, barely a foot away from her, Fitz could see Skye’s arms were unfolded and dangling at her sides in some semblance of defeat. She just stood there waiting patiently for him to find the words.

Moments passed and Fitz weakly inhaled, preparing to speak but closed his mouth when he realised nothing was coming out. Skye slid down to a crouch on the balls of her feet balancing with her elbows on her knees. Even with his head in his palms, Fitz was forced to look her in the eye, she was nothing if not stubborn, but she softly encouraged, ‘Fitz?’

‘You knew?’ he managed before his jaw set and his lips pursed together. Placing a hand over his knee she peered up at him through her newly cut bangs.

‘I promise you Fitz, I only found out a few days ago’, with emphasis on the _promise_ , her eyes glassed over showing that Skye felt just as hurt as he did.

Fitz nodded lamely and confessed, ‘she told me she was going to see her Mum and her Dad’. He threw his head back urging the tears into his eyes; that was the first time he had ever mentioned Jemma’s excuse aloud to anyone. After she left; everyone at the playground just kind of accepted her leaving as another agent lost to the stress of Hydra. He supposed now that they weren’t wrong.

Skye swayed forward, probably finding the weight too much on her feet and rested her forearms across Fitz’s knees. He heard her begin to explain, ‘She told me the same thing Fitz. I swear, but when I saw her-’

His head snapped back instantly at the revelation. ‘You _saw_ her?’ He asked stunned and Skye cringed.

For a moment, she sat there, breath held in her chest and Fitz wondered if she was going to try weasel her way out of it. But she surprised him, ‘she was a welcome wagon _of sorts_ for Hydra during-’ she paused averting her gaze from his face, she swallowed hard before continuing, ‘during the bid for Donnie Gill’.

Balling his fists into the sheet Fitz sputtered, ‘she was _in_ the field? May said she was in the science division’. Skye rocked back cautiously, probably thinking Fitz was about to march down to the Director’s office and start an interrogation.

She moved to place her hands over his knees, applying enough pressure to tell him to stay put, she had more to say. ‘Look Fitz, I don’t know what Coulson’s intention sending her in there was or what the terms of the assignment were’. She jolted Fitz for a second to make sure he was paying attention and he shook away the gaze he held against the door across from him, the one to Jemma’s old bunk. ‘But she’s undercover and Simmons will do what she has to in order to make Hydra think they have her trust. Do you understand?’ she asked giving him one last firm shake before she stood to wipe the few tears that had escaped her. Fitz followed.

‘No Skye, no I don’t!’ She turned to slide the panel closed on the entryway, probably to muffle his hysteria from the agents in the hangar. ‘Why, just why would she do this to me?’ he asked between sniffles. Fitz then felt overwhelmingly selfish as he took in the blotched redness and teary streaks on his friends face, he sighed, ‘to us?’

Skye turned and giving him a weak smile gripped the top of his arm, ‘you know what I think? I think everything she does Fitz, is _for_ you. And I don’t know when you’ll ever see that.’ She shrugged and shook her head as if it were the simplest idea. But sensing his confusion she continued, ‘when she had the Chitauri virus, you were her only concern, she jumped to save you!’ Fitz gave her an unimpressed look, _there were four other people on that plane._

‘When she jumped on the ICER grenade, she did it because it was aimed in your direction Fitz!’ He went to interrupt her but she soldiered on, ‘and no, it doesn’t matter that I was there either because her _first_ instinct is _always_ to make sure that you’re safe.’ Obviously dissatisfied with his reaction she jabbed him in the chest to get the message across and he sat back down on the bed.

‘I may not know what drove her to leave but I do know what drives her to go on and that’s _you_.’ Skye’s tone adopted a bit of a challenging inflection, ‘try and discount all that if you want Fitz but there was only two of you in that medpod and in Simmons’ mind it was either both or neither of you leaving alive’.

She sighed heavily and dragged her hand down her face, ‘because she really does feel the same way Fitz.’ Skye’s gaze flitted back up to him, ‘she couldn’t live if you didn’t.’

He was speechless, for one he couldn’t believe how passionate Skye was about Jemma caring for him but _they had talked about the pod?_

His face contorted and Skye was quick to catch it, ‘and I’m not just saying that because it’s what she told me, I’m saying it-’ she cut herself off to draw in a shaky breath and Fitz grew concerned. ‘Because I saw her deteriorate _with you_.’

She sobbed the words out one at a time as tears began to stream from her eyes, she had given up on holding them back and Fitz’s mouth was hanging open with shock. It was the first time in months anybody but a medical professional was bringing up what they went through. It was the first time he was getting the opportunity to hear somebody else’s saw when they looked at him.

‘I think if you asked Simmons, she would tell you that those were _the worst nine days of her life._ ’ All he could do was gawk and hope it gave Skye enough incentive to go on.

‘She refused to eat, to drink, to talk to anyone…. Except for herself. _And you._ ’ This was the first time Fitz was being told any of this, he felt so oblivious. But nothing could have prepared him for the pang of agony he felt in his chest at her next admission.

‘And the _first_ time I saw her catch a wink of sleep? It was three days after the pod, it-’ She paused to drag in a shuddering breath, ‘was when she was curled up around you, the night after you took your first breath off the ventilator.’ Skye bent forward and gripped both of his shoulders, tighter than necessary in his opinion but she was fervent in her point.

‘So please Fitz, don’t convince yourself that it was your _imagined_ uselessness or lacking conversational skills that drove her to Hydra. Give Simmons the dignity of her own choice. And don’t be angry with her, because if you know Simmons you know she had a damn good reason for leaving.’ Fitz was completely disoriented; after the perspective Skye had provided him, he felt like an idiot. She swerved to perch beside him at the edge of the bed, she wiped the last of her tears away and squeezed his shoulder.

After letting him stew in his thoughts for a while Skye asked, ‘Do you want to know why I think that is?’ Fitz hummed his response, unable to manage more.

She struggled to get out, bit by bit, what she was trying to say, ‘as someone…. who well…. saw the situation…. at least a bit more objectively? I think she saw, for whatever reason, that…. That she made you worse.’

Fitz’s eyes widened in shock and he must have look alarmed because Skye did her best to amend, ‘please believe me when I say I’m not telling you this to be cruel, you just push yourself too hard to be the old Fitz in her presence.’ And like that, she was finished, again patiently waiting for him to find the words.

‘I don’t know what to say, why has nobody ever told me that? Any of it?’ Fitz pushed himself back so he was resting against the wall of the bunk and Skye did the same. He really felt separated from himself in that moment and his brain was working over-time to piece together all the information it was just given.

‘Honestly?’ She asked but seemed to think better of it when Fitz rolled his eyes back into his skull. ‘The one term I do know of her agreement with Coulson, is that you not know where she is.’

He narrowed his eyes at Skye, hoping for an explanation. _Why couldn’t they tell him? Leaving was one thing, but why couldn’t he know the real reason?_   But none of that is what came out of his mouth. Before he could stop himself, Fitz questioned, ‘Does that mean she doesn’t know I’m her new partner?’

He inwardly cursed himself, both at his eagerness and the fact the words _new_ and _partner_ felt so wrong together when talking about his actual partner. Well, not his _actual_ partner. Not in that sense but were they even lab partners anymore? _Their_ lab was now a garage, they hadn’t been in contact in months and they were wor- ‘No she doesn’t’, Skye thankfully interrupted his train of thought, ‘that’s actually where Mack is, Coulson thought it would be easier to tell her in person…. Well sort of. And Mack asked if he could do it’.

That drew back Fitz’s attention. ‘He asked to go talk to her?’ But the only response it solicited was a hum of confusion Skye. She grabbed onto his wrist and turned more pointedly to face him.

‘So, do you think you’ll be able to go?’ She asked teasingly, but he knew the sentiment was genuine. Fitz let out a half-hearted chuckle and rose to his feet.

‘I can’t not go after that rousing speech!’ He teased back, raising his eyebrows at her when she flopped her hands out toward him. He yanked Skye up, in fairness with a lot of help from her. His stutter may have been disappearing, but Fitz’s brain and his hands were still learning to get their act together.

The instant she was on her feet Skye had her arms wrapped snuggly around Fitz.

‘I hope you know how proud I am of you Fitz, play nice at Hydra and make sure you tell Simmons how much I love her’.

 

* * *

 

 

It was half past four in the morning, usually an ungodly hour, but since Jemma hadn’t been sleeping much recently, all hours of the day seemed ungodly. Still, there was something soothing about the dawn drop-offs SHIELD tended to assign her, they soothed her nerves. And not just because she was away from the scrutiny of her Hydra colleagues, but the vast expanse of the Nevada desert ahead, relieved some of Jemma’s more claustrophobic anxieties. Especially on the outskirts of the city, she could see the full effect of the morning sun cascading along the horizon.

Jemma cast a quick glance in the rear view mirror to see the street lights lining the road flickering off. _That was strange._ She had already done her usual collection routine of filling the petrol tank and making her trip to the bin with a bit of rubbish from the glove box, which of course concealed the phone she was to discard with it. _That was the purpose of these drops after all._

However this morning Jemma was left baffled when she found no replacement hidden nearby. They were normally left somewhere they could be spotted, of course only if you knew you should be looking for one. But this morning nothing. Granted, Jemma knew she wouldn’t be entirely defenceless if she didn’t get a replacement, not now that she knew Bobbi was SHIELD but she felt uneasy leaving without one. There was a sparked concern that whoever was supposed to perform the drop off didn’t make it, and it’s not like they weren’t on Hydras radar.

She decided it was better to be safe than sorry so Jemma tore a scrap of paper from one of her notepads and made the trip back over to the bin. But before she made it that far she was startled by a metallic clang coming from somewhere behind the main building and at this time in the morning she was very intrigued to see who could possibly be working.

Jemma was creeping her way along path when she was eclipsed by the one of the most intimidating and hulking person she had ever seen, and she was well aware of who she worked for. She stepped back in her tracks and tried to pretend the gas price list had caught her attention while he went about unchaining a tyre from the pile outside the main store. But Jemma wasn’t entirely confident in her recovery especially since she was barely three feet away from him and if this man turned out to have harmed the agent at the other end of this collection; well she didn’t know what kind of situation that put her in.

He slowly lifted his stare to level hers, which did nothing to calm her given that even with him bent over they were still nearly the same height. ‘Jemma Simmons?’ He asked curtly and she took another step back, somehow she didn’t think the combat crash course May gave her would cut it this time around.

‘Yes?’ Her eyes widened but more at her lack of finesse than anything, _she certainly hadn’t meant to say that, to give away her name._

‘Alphonso Mackenzie’, he introduced offering out a massive hand. He must have caught how she jerked slightly further away because he elaborated, ‘but you might already know me as Mack?’

 _This was Mack?_ Jemma didn’t even realise she had let his hand engulf hers out of mannerly instinct. Once she realised Jemma readied herself to feel all the bones in her fingers crush but Mack seemed well aware of her apprehension. She noted the grease on his bulging upper arms didn’t extend as far as his hands which explained the oil slicked rag hanging from his belt loop. Mack rose to his full towering height and allowed the tire he’d selected to fall down and settle on his shoulder, which explained how he managed to get grease marks that far up his arms in the first place. They were exposed by a tank top that literally clung to every muscle on his torso.

In the past this was the kind of physique Jemma gravitated towards, well formed, symmetrical. But after the things she’d seen men with the associated strength do, she just found it frightening. And she couldn’t quite believe either that this is who Fitz had become so close to, it’s not as though he wasn’t easily intimidated, and Trip was half this man’s bloody size.

She had ogled long enough, he was obviously here for a reason. ‘You should know I’ve never had to deal with this’, she said gesturing between them, ‘kind of a drop off before’.

‘Well then I suggest you follow me into the garage and browse through some spare parts while we chat’, Jemma could take the hint, they needed to be out of the way of potential viewers.

Once inside the garage she wasted no time in asking, ‘so is there a reason you’re here other than to frighten the living daylights out of me?’ She did have to be at _work_ in an hour.

Mack let out a puff of breath, one that if Jemma knew him better she might be able to call a chuckle. ‘Still scare easy then? The others were worried you might have changed, you know?’ _No, she didn’t know_ and she gave him a look that said so. ‘Working for Hydra, acting all uptight and evil’. Jemma betrayed her indifferent expression with a smile, _those must have been Skye’s words._

‘Anyway, I’m here because Coulson sent me, there has been a significant change in your assignment and it’s not information he wanted being intercepted, even on an unregistered cell.’ Mack paused to let it sink in but Jemma was never really the kind to appreciate dramatic tension, she nodded at him to continue. ‘That suggestion you made about hacking Hydra internally got the green light and Coulson is sending Fitz in tomorrow.’

‘Fitz?’ She breathed out astonished. Jemma could not believe what she was hearing, _he was well and capable enough to come back into the field? When did this happen? Why did they insist on keeping her in the dark?_

‘Yeah, is that going to be a problem?’ Mack asked in a testing tone unnerving her.

 _She could see why it would be, but why did he think so?_   However all that managed to escape her was a very desperate, ‘how is he?’ Maybe she would get a straight answer from him, he seemed like the blunt type.

‘The use he has of his left hand is restricted and he still has the odd gap in his memory but the stutter is almost completely gone, only comes back when he’s stressed or nervous.’  

Jemma was stunned, she felt a warmth in her chest as pride caught up to her. S _he knew Fitz could do it but part of her, an admittedly selfish part of her wondered –_ but her pondering was cut short when Mack asked, ‘he’s not going to be stressed coming here is he?’ _The blunt type indeed. She did not like the implicit tone._

‘To Hydra?’ she challenged innocently, ‘I’d revaluate his cognitive functions if he weren’t experiencing stress.’

Mack responded with a tired expression and cut to the chase. ‘Look I don’t know what went down between you two when you left, he doesn’t talk about it. But from what I’ve been told, the only thing that makes him worse …. Is you’. For a moment he seemed uncertain about finishing that thought but he proved resolute. Not only did it annoy Jemma but it hurt to know she was right and that other people saw it too.

‘I know, why do you think I left?’ She spat out, she didn’t regret her tone either, Mack was poking the bear and he knew it.

‘I don’t know…. Maybe because he’s not as valuable to you anymore, you see him as less of the genius he used to be and more as dead weight holding you back.’ He didn’t say it spitefully but it was a loaded statement either way. If a reaction was what he wanted, a reaction is what he would get.

‘Are those your words or his Agent Mack?’ She asked calmly, it went against every raging bone in her body in that moment but _Jemma knew that coming off level headed was the best way to come out on top._ ‘Because Fitz has never realised exactly how much he care for him, how much I means to me! And he certainly wouldn’t believe it if I told him now.’ She stated assuredly, and the drop in Mack’s expression spoke to how well he did know Fitz’s confidence.

‘Hell I _did_ tell him and he still went and blew the window in! I told him when we were lying on the bottom of the ocean that I couldn’t live without him ….’ _she had to take a deep breath if she was going to get through this_ , ‘and now I am.’

Mack looked completely lost, like he had realised his foolishness.

‘ _Everything_ I’ve done these past few months has been _for_ Fitz. I left because I’m damn well aware that I make him worse and I don’t know why.’ Jemma unfolded the arms that she defensively held across her stomach and threw them down by her sides in frustration. She didn’t even care that she was unravelling anymore because this was the first time she’d been able to do so, it was the first time she had anybody who allowed her to get _angry_ about it. 

‘I couldn’t fix it, for the first time my _presence_ was breaking the man I’ve spent half my life side by side with, _everything_ we did, we did _together_ and yet he didn’t understand that all I could ever want is for him to be safe, I don’t need him to be the same as before.’

And just like that she finally pieced it together. Jemma found it fascinating in the few times she had opened up about it, she never got any closer to figuring out how she felt, she found it amazing that once the calming influence was taken away the flood gates opened. _Jemma cringed at her choice of metaphor._ She quickly shook that thought and concluded, ‘I left so that Fitz could have a better quality of life.’

‘Why Hydra?’ Mack asked, past the point of trying to get a rise out of her, he looked genuinely intrigued and she suspected that he already knew the answer.

‘I am here, so that I can take down the people who ordered him dead.’ She stated unabashedly and he gave her a solemn nod, like he respected Jemma for her solidarity.

‘You don’t know me Agent Mack but you’ve only heard half the story, if even that, because Fitz never really liked talking about himself,’ she hesitated slightly on the next part but decided its validity would counter the sting if it insulted him. Jemma didn’t know how close Fitz was to Mack but she was certain of how long it took him to trust people…. ‘That means that nobody could’ve told you how he grew up, what we became to each other. I bet you don’t even know his first name.’ She made sure to say the last part softly in case it turned out that he did and it blew up in her face, but Mack looked baffled at the idea that ‘Fitz’ wasn’t his first name.

‘My point? I lost half of myself that day, I _also_ had to relearn my name because I could barely remember a time when I wasn’t referred to as _Fitzsimmons_.’ Mack looked like he was trying to digest a lot of new information and Jemma realised this was probably the first time he was hearing their compounded name. _She really wasn’t mentioned a lot, was she?_ Jemma knew that there would’ve been hard feelings, especially after having to lie about where she was going but she had honestly never considered that they would move on from her. But she supposed, that’s what they thought she did to them.

She finished explaining, ‘nobody but Fitz will ever understand that. And nobody, not _even_ Fitz will ever understand how terrified I am of ruining his progress, because what you just said, is the first time anybody has ever confirmed to me that he’s better off when I’m not around.’

Jemma worried her bottom lip between her teeth, for the first time wondering if she had over-shared. Mack had that shell-shocked fearful look most macho men got when they worried a woman was about to cry in front of them. However after a few minutes of processing he flashed Jemma a surprisingly gentle smile.

‘I’m sorry Simmons, all I really wanted to know was that you wouldn’t compromise Fitz’s progress, I didn’t realise-’ He stumbled over his words for a second before evidently deciding to just leave it hang between them. She had a feeling what he meant to say anyway _–that she couldn’t help it._

Jemma did however have one thing she’d wanted to say ever since she’d heard Mack’s name, she took a deep breath and willed herself to get through it, ‘thank you for taking care of him…. Coulson may not tell me much about Fitz, but he has mentioned you.’ Jemma smiled at him and the hulk of a man standing in front of her quickly turned into a sheepish giant.

But there was more she felt needed explaining, ‘you helping him…. which is huge, like I said, even before the medpod Fitz wasn’t big on opening up, about himself at least, he was well able to mess around.’ She giggled despite the seriousness of her confession recalling their innumerable prank wars and she forced herself back to the point she was trying to make.

‘Actually even when we were down there he tried to tell me something and apparently decided it could wait until the afterlife?’ She smiled ruefully, ‘I really don’t know.’ But Mack had a look on his face that suggested he could hazard a fairly accurate guess.

‘I can’t imagine what Ward and then me, well you know-’ _abandoning him._ She left out a breath, this was really more than she was mentally prepared for at five in the morning. 

‘I guess, I wanted to say thank you for doing what I couldn’t.’ She tilted her head giving him a tight lipped smile, she threw her eyes to the heavens willing herself not to cry, because as much as she was grateful, she also felt immensely guilty for leaving. It was for his own good but Fitz didn’t know that. Mack walked steadily towards Jemma and thumped a hand to her back, she had a feeling it was a normally proportioned person’s pat on the back, but she had left her guard down and he looked simply too chuffed to have noticed so Jemma tried to hide her wince.

They went back to coordinating the rest of the assignment, and since it was the first and probably last face to face she was going to get for a while, they had a lot to talk about. They splayed the spreadsheets across the bonnet of the car Mack was working on and came up with a rough timetable, discussed how Bobbi was faring with her part of the mission and how Fitz was going to be incorporated into Jemma’s cover.

It wasn’t going to be so awkward on the Hydra front because they weren’t newlyweds or anything; they didn’t have to be all over each other, according to their file they got married at 22 after five years of working together and a few months of dating. But they were going to be living together, not that they hadn’t lived together at the Academy, at Sci-Ops and on the BUS but they had both been through so much without each other that it would take a fair bit of readjusting.

After about an hour of planning they had sorted out everything they possibly could have, all the details of the assignment, as best as they could possibly predict. And Fitz was going to make his own way to her apartment tomorrow, under the pretence of having lived there with his wife.

‘Please, say hello to everyone for me and could you also tell Skye and Trip that I’m really sorry?’ Jemma asked carefully, not certain if Mack would mind being her go-between for the moment.

‘I will Simmons, but you know I don’t have to right?’ He must have heard how that sounded and so jumped to correct himself. ‘I mean, they understand, I don’t think it took them much figuring out, honestly I couldn’t see how they could forgive you so easily, but I can now.’

She smiled a genuinely relieved smile, for the first time in months, at that thought. _God, she hoped it was true._ Jemma gave him a pat on the arm and with her new phone in hand made to walk out the doorway.

‘What is it by the way? Fitz’s real name?’ he murmured from behind, as if he didn’t want to admit to being curious.

She chuckled and wondered if she should tell him but decided it probably wasn’t a big deal, Fitz had leverage in this case. ‘It’s Leopold, Leopold Fitz’, she told him.

Mack left out a belly laugh until he had his arm held across his stomach. ‘Personally I don’t think it’s that bad, talk to you soon …. Alphonso’, she chirped with a sly grin before turning on her heel back in the direction of her car and she didn’t hear another sound.

Now all there was left to do was wait for the faithful knock on her door and hope that everything went according to plan.

**Author's Note:**

> Thankyou for reading this far :) Please leave comments, I love reading them and I plan on updating this fic as consistently as possible with my aim for chapter 2 being next Saturday! 
> 
> In honour of this being Kasifer's fic I am going to try name each chapter after a Taylor Swift song which I think suits it:  
> Time won't fly it's like I'm paralyzed by it.  
> I'd like to be my old self again,  
> But I'm still trying to find it.
> 
> Fitzskye was not supposed to be as angsty as it turned out but the new promo was too heartbreaking to ignore so I went with it and I was going for something less hostile between Mack and Simmons because I find their dynamic hard to watch and particularly hard to write. This fic will have a happy ending and that happy ending will include smut to the best of my ability! 
> 
> Lastly, have a happy Valentine's Day and have fun getting lost in the Fitzsimmons tag ;)


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